Rabu, 18 Maret 2009

fucking emotions @ 07.48

oh my fricking fawd. everyday i step inside my dream, my reality, and my nightmare, it is exactly the same, always, i repeat, always, FRICKIN INESCAPEABLE, IRRESISTIBLE, AND UNSOLVED. because fucking why? there's someone's annoying like hell who's stepped into my life, without, i repeat, without, any agreement. i didn't notice it. i didn't know it. damn damn damn.

setiap hari yaa, pasti ada aja masalah, gak pas pertama kali dateng, di tengah-tengah pelajaran, ato pas pulang, selalu aja i repeat selalu ada masalah yang bikin pusing, puyeng, dan gak bisa di diemin gitu aja. kenapa? ya itu dia, udah gue jelasin kan? ada seseorang yang masuk ke idup gue tapi gue gak nyadar. kenapa bisa gitu? because i fucking like that person and hating that person in the same time. there's a lot okay, not only a person but it's many kinds of people, from my own friends, from my own family, and from my own schoolmates. there's so much people that i like and i hate, in the fucking same time. oke, gue jujur ya sekarang. lo semua pasti pernah dong ngerasain gimana rasanya punya masalah yang bertubi-tubi, mulai dari school life, love life, family life, dan lain-lain, right?

so, i mixed all my emotions and feelings right now, dont know how and why, and i dont know why and how. first of all, tadi abis les, gue gak tau kenapa, tiba-tiba ngerasa kalo i was soo damned unlucky, so fucking suffering, so fucking crazy. kenapa gue ngerasa kaya gini? one thing, i lost all my hopes and intends. dan gue gak tau mereka 'ilang' nya kemana. gue sendiri bingung, kenapa gue bisa feeling kayanya sok 'high' kaya abis nge-narkoba ya, tiba-tiba gue bengong-bengong sendiri, ngeliatin awan mulu -___- serius, gue bingung. kenapa gue bisa kaya gitu. bowo ama naura aja bingung -__- apalagi gue coba. TRUTHFULY, gue ngerasa gue sial benjet. yaaaaaa sama sekali nggak beruntung, sama sekali gak ada fortunate nya sama sekali. kenapa? karena gue ya, udah gue jelasin di atas, i lost all my hopes and intends dan gue gak tau kenapa tiba-tiba itu semua ilang gitu aja.

there's so much time i've played around, gue gak pernah serius sama sekali. padahal nanti gue bakal mati. kenapa gue bikin sejibun dosa, padahal gue udah tau kalo gue bakal mati, dan gue bakal masuk neraka kalo terus-terusan ngelakuin dosa-dosa itu. tapi ya mau gimana lagi ya, bikin dosa itu manusiawi, semua orang bikin dosa, semua orang ada salahnya, everybody make mistakes. and im one of them ofcourse. gue tau suatu saat nanti pasti gue bakal make a sudden change. tapi gue gak tau gimana dan kapan gue bakal begitu. secara, i dont know if i'll be alive 10 more years. MUNGKIN aja gue udah mati duluan. kita kan gak bisa ngejudge gitu aja. kita kan gak tau kapan kita bakal menghilang -___-

gue gak tau juga kenapa gue suka banget bikin gambar mata, udah beberapa bulan ini gue gambar mata mulu, di youtube, waktu gue liat mereka gambar2 mata gitu, sama ada yang kaya ilusion-ilusion gitu kan ada kaya gambar mata-mata gitu kan? mereka di bilang 'freak' sama youtubers lainnya. does that means, im a freak like them either? ya mungkin gue freak. apa yang gak mungkin coba? huahaha z. oke mungkin gue freak ya tapi gue heran kenapa tiba-tiba gue jadi suka gambar mata? hem -___-

it ends here. so, so long and goodbye :)

Label: anger, angriness, autis, crazy day, crying, freak, happiness, sadness, school life